Heartbreak

Wednesday night I was having some spotting and cramping and it turned into bright red blood. I called the Dr's office and they told me to come in first thing in the morning. I went in and I just knew in my heart that something was wrong, i've known for 4 weeks now that something wasn't right. Welll they did an abdominal doppler and were not able to get a heartbeat. Then they did an abdominal sonogram and still no heartbeat. Then he did a vaginal sonogram and the baby was dead. He said that it had stopped growing 4 weeks ago, right about when my symptoms just stopped. He said how sorry he was that we lost the baby. He told me that we had a few options to choose from. He said that we could wait for a week and see if I pass it on my own or we could do a D&C. After having him answer a few questions for me about healing time and pain and what would be best overall for recovery, Michael and I decided that we would do the D&C. They got us in first thing this morning and I'm soooo glad that they did. I was starting to pass the remains on my own and it was becoming really painful. After the D&C the pain and bleeding is much less than the pain and bleeding from yesterday and through the night. The whole surgery didn't last very long and I slept for 7 hours afterwards. I was up at 2 am this morning from the nightmares and thoughts of what all was going on in my body. Michael and I are trying to deal with this change in our lives right now. We know that God has a purpose and reason why this baby needed to be with him instead. I believe that having the baby out of my body helps start the healing process. We have given this to God and pray that he helps heal our hearts. We have decided to wait for awhile to start trying again for a child. We appreciate all the thoughts and prayers for us during this time. We have our ups and downs, please forgives us if we don't get in contact with everyone during this time.

almost out of the first trimester!

So I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant now and I'm glad that I'm almost through the first trimester. It has been a scary 3 months. I'm hoping to feel a little more relaxed and comfortable with the pregnancy soon. everytime I feel a cramp or pulling sensation it scares me. I've talked with many of my friends with children and who are also pregnant and they all say that this is pretty common. I resist the urge to call the Dr. everytime. I go back to the Dr. in a week and a half. I'm praying that everything is great when we go and that I can hear the heartbeat. It has messed with my mind every since I left the Dr.'s office last appointment and they weren't able to hear it. I keep praying that our baby is fine. On a more positive note...l PASSED MY STATE BOARDS EXAM!!!!! I'm officially a registered nurse. It has felt like such a relief to know that all my hard work has gotten me to the point that I wanted to be. So now I'm at work and going through my residency till April. Michael is doing great!!! He's taking 9 hours of classes this semester and also working full time. He's getting more and more excited about the baby. We have been looking at nursery furniture and baby bedding and all the other gear that comes with a baby. I'm anxious to find out if it's a girl or a boy so that we can start decorating. We have also been looking at baby names!!! It's all starting to feel a little more real. I will post again after our Dr's appointment.